Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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