How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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