I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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