Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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