planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
