I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
