so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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