The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
