How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
