last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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