he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Can you bring me the toilet please
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
