So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
