time to smoke my breakfast
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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