Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
