If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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