Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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