kristin has been a bad kristin
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
