I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
