Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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