Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I love having hate sex.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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