I like my sex mixed with concussions.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
