Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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