Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
