were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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