atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
