then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
