TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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