She is in my trunk
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
