Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
