I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
