Ambien. No doubt about it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
