Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
