I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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