pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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