im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
