It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
