I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
