You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
