I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My penis needs a shock collar
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My bed smells like the plague
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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