You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
