my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
