just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
