i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
