I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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