dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Found your dick twin last night
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
