I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
