hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
