70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
