how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
