my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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