i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
