Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
